my dog passed away this morning.  i get up pretty early for work and he would always be up walking around the house, drinking water, or laying down on the couch.  I never had a dog die before, they usually just ran away when I was a child.  He was my first real dog, a dobermann rescue I got a few years back.  I nicknamed him "Dobie," sometimes called him Dobby like from Harry Potter.  I threw up, I cried and still don't know where to go from here.  The crying part sounds pretty dumb, but I guess you don't really get it unless you've owned  a dog.  They're so pure and loving and loyal and don't fuss over stupid things.  Dobie was a little skittish at times and sort of was both wary and scared and stressed with strangers, but if it was just you and him watching TV, he'd rest his head on you and just look into your eyes in a way that says you're his world. 

I called my family who thought I was in some kind of accident or something terrible and whenever there's something emotional involved, they kind of exacerbate everything.  This time they were more compassionate though. 

I feel like I lost my best friend.  I'd even talk to him like he was a person.  I'd just tell him about my day when I got home, when we'd go on walks and he'd look at me in the eyes and wag his tail or put his paw on my hand.  He was strong, brave, loyal, a little crazy, but really sweet and things like bacon treats would make him the happiest guy in the world. 

He was older and everyday I could tell he probably looked a little sick.  Nothing that the vet really felt compelled to do about though.  Some rescues do have health problems because I guess there's no real medical history/pedigree or anything much of the time.  But even purebred dogs have their own genetic problems and health problems. 

I feel like the color drained from my world and everything is like some black and white movie.  There's no real time to have time to myself and feel sad and reflect, but I guess that's one reason why people schedule funerals for people. 

I had so many family members die in the recent years that the way I would continue through just living life and meeting work demands was believing "They live on through you," like carrying on their legacy. 

My world is a lot emptier now, but I have to keep being loyal, loving, and understanding, and doing my best to be a little light for myself and others.