Today I had to tell someone they are dying. It took bravery, patience, kindness, openness, warmth and a marshalling of emotional energy, along with masking sadness and trying not to feel the hurt your patient does when the news comes.
The cancer patient I've been following is to go home sometime soon. All the arrangements and plans have been made in regards to medicine and social things.
Cancer is a disease when you see people at their strongest and their weakest, at their most vulnerable and when they rally. I feel like I will always have an intense "relationship" with cancer in the sense that it's the one disease (although there are many forms and manifestations) that I have seen that makes so many patients and families and loved ones suffer so very much. I never get angry at anything, but nothing makes me feel such disdain and anger like cancer and autoimmune diseases. These diseases are difficult to treat and affect patients in so many awful ways, not just physically, but psychologically, spiritually and socially.
With almost every patient I've met, I've made some kind of connection so far. I'm glad I've been able to see the very ill ones smile and thank me and tell me they are feeling better. Today was the first time I told a patient it was a pleasure taking care of them. I've never been thanked so much by one patient before, or by a family as well. I'm glad I made a difference in someone's life. I know I'll be thinking of this patient for a long time.
Looking back on things, I almost can't believe I saw the same person cry at receiving the news, then at the end of the conversation have them smile, thank me, and tell me how grateful they were for the effort the team put in for them.
Medicine is an adventure with so many twists and turns. Times where everyone stands in the light of victory, and times where you feel lost in the fog and darkness of sadness.
I'm going to visit my patient tomorrow and wish them all the best. I hope I can be as brave as them for the rest of my life.
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