Tuesday, July 23, 2019
i wanted to thank everyone who left comments of support on this blog. i have nothing positive to say about those who had nothing constructive or supportive to say. maybe those people will find happiness and stop being like that.
thought about shutting down here, but maybe there are others who will be struggling and they need to know someone like me can get through it.
Monday, June 10, 2019
Monday, June 3, 2019
About to drive home. Have vacation starting soon. Thought a lot about just taking my dog in my car and never coming back. Never feel rested or better after time off. Probably made a mistake with my life. Maybe it's the place. Maybe it's the specialty. Weighing options. I know I do want to be somewhere different. Thanks for reading
Monday, May 20, 2019
Wednesday, May 1, 2019
Feel empty and tired. I don't think I'm who I used to be anymore. I see all these blog entries and interviews by doctors and they seem so happy. I don't know how they can truly be happy when everything you do is evaluated for some kind of metric. I feel that if I stay in medicine I'm going to become some replaceable worker managed by people who aren't doctors. They'll just care about length of stay and press ganey scores and just be harsher to us. I remember someone telling me about a doctor who was let go by a hospital because he was discharging them appropriately and not keeping them for longer like his peers so the hospital could bill more.
Medicine isn't what I thought it'd be and i think about walking away from it a lot. I'm sure I could figure out a way to pay off my loans somehow.
Lately I've been feeling like some dried out husk. I don't have any interest in people, food, water, music, cars, or traveling anymore. Not sure how I'm supposed to feel better. I just feel like some ragged undead "thing" going about life