hoping for patients

There are patients on the service who I hope go home.  Though I know some won't, and I understand that's how life is.  What makes it hard is carrying a patient on your service, like a patient with a terminal illness and watching them have their good and bad days, with the bad days becoming more common and more constant.

In medicine we do our best to heal, to patch up, to give a crutch, to help comfort.  We also do our best to deal with our own sadness, though it seems like it is done very individually and not so much at a group.  There are times I wish I could go visit the patient and family in a room just to say hello and share encouraging words or lend an ear, but I don't always have the time nor do I feel it is appropriate to do so that often as I could be interrupting necessary silence and privacy.

So I guess if it looks like I'm not having a great day, I'm probably sad over a patient, most likely one who held on as long as possible and survived so many bad turns.  It's so early in my medical training, but loss and severe illness doesn't wait for anyone to be ready when it presents.  I guess the earlier the better, if you can even say that.

I wish everyone could get well again, and though that's not the reality, I really don't want to lose that hope and optimism.  I do understand however, there are limits and some procedures or treatments will do more harm then good, and at that time, it's your duty to do what you can within reason for the patient.

We have to understand that although we fight for patients and want everyone to get better, the human body has its limits, and we all go on to continue our journey elsewhere.

Standing by patients with terminal illnesses is one of the most wrenching and actually very variable experiences you will have.  It is wrenching for you because the illness is terminal, and variable because some patients feel at peace and ready, while others feel the world crumbling around them.

I hope I can make a difference for my patients more often than not. I hope I can one day be that person who makes patients feel at peace no matter what and doesn't have a "difficult" time with a patient.  That's probably really unlikely and unrealistic, but I'm glad at least random anonymous people in cyberspace know how I feel.

Often times, I feel like I don't have the right words for a patient and family when I am leaving their room, so all I can do is let them know I wish them the best.  I hope that phrase helps some patients and families get through their day a little more easily.