There's no night where I feel that the next day is going to go well or that there won't be any form of verbal abuse. 

That's been my life for the past several years, only worse now that I'm a physician in training.  I get that there are stressful situations but I hate how people with low breaking points take it out on me.

I worked with a particularly difficult person one day who was really pressuring me to do a procedure on someone.  There was a contraindication that somehow made it past three teams and I was the only one who stopped to ask about contraindications and the case was dropped from the schedule.

I didn't expect to be commended or thanked, and it didn't happen.  No one said anything.

I often feel like I don't matter or that I'm just a trainee slowing down the professionals.  I can't change a thing about it, unless I talk to someone higher up, I guess.

Also, the longer I am in training, the more I learn that the people in medicine around me are unhappy or suffering to some extent.

I often dream about what a life outside of medicine would be like, but I feel like I wouldn't be giving myself the chance to see how things turn out if I just left at this point.

While for the time being I've decided to keep going, I need to constantly find the courage and strength to continue on a daily basis.

Thank you for reading and being with me on this journey.