Still really worn out and nothing has really improved or will improve for a while.  The other day I had a drama television moment where I just found an empty place in the hospital to sit in silence and think.  It didn't last long because I got more work to do.

I feel like medicine is so profit driven in some hospital systems and short-sighted non-medical professionals have too much power over physicians.

From what I've seen, nurses seem to be very micromanaged by hospital administration and I can see that happening to physicians.

There's already so much administrative stuff in addition to the mountains of patient care duties, consults, emergencies that I'm spread so thin.

On another note, I can't remember the last time I was happy.  There aren't any "good days," and the best it gets is "well I'm glad nothing bad happened."  I'm supposed to get a few days off, which I'm just really going to spend at home with my dog, probably laying down a lot trying to recover from daily life.

I hardly remember what it was like to have a normal life.  Sleeping like a normal person in my own home at night, not feeling dread and stress.  People say it's transient and will get better. But we'll see. I have to give it a try.

The catch is that so much in medicine  wears me out and makes me sad.  From administration, to the hierarchy, to the physical exhaustion, not eating to drinking enough, to stressed people taking it out on me and others, to seeing sick patients who are beyond our help, and the list goes on.

Maybe I can focus on good things during my time off and maybe I'll see more days that are good in the future