Tuesday, December 27, 2016

The psychology of medicine and medical school: Confidence

A lot of my time is spent feeling uncomfortable when I'm on a rough rotation.  Most of the time, residency is pretty bearable, but there are times I spend entire days for a week in dread of how people will treat me and feeling like I'm not good enough.

A couple of months ago I was walking back from a shift and saw a medical student crying in a public area some students sit and study, being comforted and talked to by a professor.  

I kept walking past to give the student their privacy and I thought a lot about how I had my own nervous episodes as a basic sciences student in my own home by myself.  Medical school is overwhelming in its own way.  Of course, residency involves a lot more responsibility and patients can be harmed, but when the stage of the medical student is stressful in its own way and with its own consequences for not performing as expected.  

I used to look forward to weekends during medical school because it was my time to "catch up" with the immense amount of information we had to memorize and understand and apply for our exams.  I would wake up at 430AM Saturday and Sunday to study.  I knew material well enough for my exams to do well, on everything from the first medical school exam to Step 3.

I only was as prepared as I was because of really hard work and pushing myself past what I thought were my limits.   Being prepared enough to know things off of the top of your head is where you should be everyday in medicine and before your exams as a med student.  The exams will still be hard and unfair and surprise you, but you'll feel more confident and be might be less likely to panic.

I think back to a lot of times I was on rotations as a student and resident where my self-confidence was torn down and I was made to feel worthless and dumb because I didn't know some minutiae not relevant to patient care.  

My biggest struggle in residency so far has been putting up with difficult personalities, people who aren't very kind or patient to learners, and they're like that with everyone.  I don't want special snowflake treatment, I would just like to be talked to like a colleague and not like the dirt on someone's soles.  

But you get through things like that, a day at a time.  You remain hopeful and remember residency is temporary and that you'll move onto better things and be happier.  For some of us, residency is a true, magical adventure, but for many, it's an exercise in endurance and maintaining your hope.  That might sound a bit dramatic, but residency is long hours, erratic schedules, and people's lives are in your hands as you try to survive and thrive in an unkind hierarchy.

All in all, I want to say that knowing more and studying hard is what will help make you more confident as a medical student and a resident.  It'll contribute to you being more resilient in its own way.


1 comment:

  1. Your 3rd to the last paragraph resonates with me. I praise those docs and health care professionals who are decent. I bring presents too because I appreciate it, if I know they have a bad day. Hope you get patients like that.

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