Thursday, December 1, 2016

Life gets harder

My day was rough.  Rougher than usual.  I have more responsibility, things are more difficult, my patients have more comorbidities and worse health than the patients I've taken care of before, and I have less help.  I can't remember when I had my last day off and I feel like I don't have enough time to truly decompress and recover emotionally and psychologically from work.

I noticed changes in my personality.  I've stopped laughing at jokes and feel more tired and have become more irritable when I've never really been an irritable person.  I skip meals because I'm so anxious and stressed out.  People keep telling me to go eat but I act like I'm too busy or that I'll get to it later.

I'm tired, and really stressed out for work-related and personal reasons.    Difficulty balancing work and life is at an all time high.

At least when I was a med student I had enough time to go to sleep for 30 minutes when I was feeling overwhelmed.

I do good work, I work hard and my hard work is recognized by some faculty.  I'm not a problem resident and I'm not a resident who lives on in stories about their mistakes told by attendings.

I think I have low self-esteem and feel like I don't believe in myself enough or give me myself enough credit, and I don't know how to fix that.

I'm still approaching each new day as an opportunity to really give it my best and impress the people I work with and improve my skills.  I just need more help getting through the hard part of things

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there, buddy! I am an avid reader of your blog and whenever you post a blog mentioning your low mood and unhappiness, I feel sad and wish that there were something I could do to cheer you up. I thought maybe telling you how much we (your readers) hope and want you to succeed might make you feel better. We're in your corner and we're rooting for you! I'm glad to read that you're still taking each day, as you said, as an opportunity to excel.:) I'm a med student and have been reading your blogs for years now. You have shown me how much effort goes into being a good doctor and your posts inspire me to work harder. Stay strong and I hope your problems become easier. :)

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