I'm also starting to get more into jazz music again. I would listen to it a lot when I was younger and found it had a calming effect. I liked Winton Marsalis and Miles Davis a lot. I like the quieter, deeper and atmospheric types of jazz songs. I think it's been helping me with stress management and helps me focus a bit more when I read.
I still have a lot of stress in my daily life though. Especially with exams and meeting the expectations of being clinically great with my attendings. I would hate to underperform and be treated badly. I exist in a constant state of anxiety, and it adds up with the long work hours and challenges at work.
I feel like residency has already eroded a part of me. I used to feel more energetic with a brighter outlook on life. I used to go out and enjoy life a lot more. I had more self-esteem in college and I could find balance in my life.
The road to graduation seems so long, but I think I can make it. It's been helping me to take residency a day at a time and focus on being better. I have a lot of dreams I hold on to: ones of being happier, having more control over my schedule, living in a city I enjoy, being fulfilled, being less tired.
Hoping those dreams come true
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