a new day

meant to upload the last post last night. ended up passing out early.  life is tiring and frustrating at times.  my wife gets upset with me if i get into the bed before she does and im exhausted nearly to the point of tears every night after running codes, stressing out about acutely ill patients who might need to go to the ICU while I constantly worry if Im doing the best I can for my patients every minute of the day.

wife gets mad at me for taking a few minutes to play a video game or look up fantasy football stuff, which i don't spend more than 10 minutes on.  i just want to somehow cope with patients dying who i worked so hard to take care of but we did everything we could for them and their bodies just werent strong enough.  i want to just have fun for a few minutes, but its wrong for me to.

i slept 2 hours last night and i feel nauseated, weak, tired, and basically am dragging myself around the hospital.  part of it is just being the intern and being the guy who stays later and does more work, but that's fine, that's just part of what i signed up for.  

i just soldier through it and take it one day at a time, but in the moment its pretty hard.  my wife told me to call in but i can't, im not sick, im just tired.  if only i could call in because im tired.  what a dream life that would be