My Reflection in a Scalpel Blade

I'm going to try writing here more often.  Lately I've been rather discouraged, full of sorrow with the passing of several people, a bit empty, socially unfulfilled.  Then I remember to take time and write, and reflect.

When I reflect, I realize I'm more than an automaton in a medical system, and that some people might actually see me as a healer.  Some of my friends would tell me I'm going to be a hero to someone.  I've had patients thank me.  I'll never forget the patient in the ER covered in blood, who I helped grant a little bit of peace to by reassuring them that I'm there and that they're in a safe place.

I'm more than a drone out to work up patients, I connect with people, I make them smile and make them feel less afraid.  I give them hope and security.  I take them seriously and they appreciate it.

You become so tired and worn when you don't reflect.  Everything becomes so mundane when you don't take time to really see what kind of a wonder things like surgery and human life are.

There's a psychological component to every disease, and to wellness.

I feel like I've gone a long time without appreciating what I really do for my patients, and I feel like that made me empty.

I'm slowly pulling more bits of meaning into my life like someone fills a glass vessel.  And we have to let the light that passes through that vessel spill onto others.