It's been a rough past few months as usual.  I don't know if things are really getting better, but I know I'm not really happy as a person.  The long hours and disrupted sleep patterns maybe aren't so bad, but the work environment pushes me to want to leave medicine all together.

I don't think it'd be smart to share what kind of things are said or done to me, but I feel like if I worked in a different job, it'd be considered hazing.  Nothing I can do will change anything because I'm just some temporary unimportant trainee.

Last week was terrible.  Really the only good things in my life are my dog and the fact I'm eating healthier and don't nearly drink as much anymore (I started back up but now it's only two beers going out with people I know).  

I wake up early and drive to work just thinking about how people are going to to treat me.  The hurt just piles up, but no one cares.  I try hard on this blog to be professional and not swear.  It's pretty hard.  I don't know if I'm just at the wrong program or just in the wrong field.  What gets me down the most is that I'm safe, cautious, and reasonable, but people just literally are snide and mean to be over nothing that affects the patient.  I guess I've taken this much abuse and I can take more.  I mean, I have to.