I think I want to leave medicine. I don't think starting antidepressants would help give me more time away from work or help me balance my life better or make hospitals hire more staff or make being the new worker any easier.
My heart is too broken from promising my loved ones I'll see them and make time for them and then being too tired or stressed or anxious from work to even get out of bed.
I see too many physician suicide and depression articles and I'm not even seeking them out.
I wish someone could help me. Feels like the people I talked to at work are too busy and distant.
Your loved ones should understand that there are a few difficult years that you have to get through; it makes it a bit more difficult for them, but not to the degree it does for you. As a parent, friend, etc., I'd feel bad about someone leaving their education for something that's of limited duration. They will be ok; it's you I am worried about.
ReplyDeleteYou have to do what's right for you--but I did regret leaving my PhD before the end. I didn't at first, but I do now. You may not feel that way though if the burden is too great.
Is there a good psychologist you can talk to before making a decision? Seeing a psychologist doesn't mean something's wrong with you--I swear they see people more often because of the strenuous circumstances/abuse/etc people are in.
Please don't make an important decision without talking to others--you will need support whether you stay in or whether you leave. If your family is not supportive--and often they're not when people are in difficult situations--my parents weren't--there's got to be someone?
@doctormeowskis on Twitter also had severe depression.
Pamela Wible might be worth talking to; she's running workshops on physician happiness--but they for premeds and med students too--I can't find that info before my appt.:
http://www.idealmedicalcare.org/humanizing-medical-education-how-to-grow-a-happy-doctor/
http://www.idealmedicalcare.org/how-to-be-a-happy-doctor/
If you live in my area (DFW) and you may since you went to UT, you're not my dr currently and I am glad to meet you/go somewhere with you with my spouse and me (my teen at home does his own thing a lot now) to talk or just blow off steam, etc.
I think you are the best of doctors and things look a lot different when people are in private practice. Do you have another year of residency? or fellowship ahead?
fridawrites@gmail; I haven't been checking it as much as I should, but I will again.
I am sorry if any of what I write is too intrusive; take anything that's useful and discard the parts that don't apply to you. Your heart and mind are what's most important. You have one life that we know of, and it's important.
You're a good person and a good doctor.
I wanted to quit too, and I'm not saying antidepressants fixed the hours or stress, but it made coping with it better, helped me find joy in medicine, and most importantly, helped me really enjoy and maximize the time off that I had. Can always take a leave of absence, try talking to people and try some meds, and then see where you are. In the same way we would never let a severely depressed patient make life altering treatment decisions like not taking chemo for a treatable/survivable cancer, please take care making such a big decision until you've talked to someone, gotten some meds and help, and had some time away. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteAny non-surgical fields of medicine interesting that you? Surgery is way rougher than most...
ReplyDeletePlease please try to look for professional help because it is not all about getting antidepressant. It is an opportunity to talk about for feeling and maybe learn how to cope in stressful situation which can make a huge difference. I know medicine has its ups and downs but I hope you will have the strength to find the best way for you. You are not alone and there will always be someone willing to help.
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