My new year is off to an anxiety-inducing and exhausting start. Quite different from my last post. I'm at a place in residency that is historically difficult right and disliked unanimously.
A lousy part of residency no one tells you about is how your attendings manage things differently and you can get criticized or have them be annoyed with you for doing things different than their way. It adds to the exhaustion. Not having much help or guidance when you really need it is frustrating.
Going back to work the next day when you're post call is also really tiring.
Often as a resident you feel like you're just there to be cheap labor, especially when there's minimal teaching or encouragement or coaching. There's no additional pay for working holidays or taking extra call outside of moonlighting opportunities.
I have to micromanage my time off because there's so little of it. I'm exhausted right now and I have a lot of call shifts this week.
I've felt so tired and hopeless for so long that while it's still a struggle to get out of my bed, when I feel sad or bad it doesn't come as such a shock to me that I spend a long time reeling from.
People say things get better. Residency hurts those around me and that's something hard I live with every day. It's hard seeing it affect my loved ones. Finally going to get something to eat and rest.
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