Anxiety

Medicine is a very anxiety inducing field, ever since we start feeling pressure about apply to universities and medical school.  There's so much pressure to perform on exams which later becomes pressure in medical emergencies and patient management.  

I feel somewhat less anxiety compared to the last two years but having anxiety for this long is so tiring.  I feel exhausted in every way and feel like I'm only just now getting a slight grip on my anxiety and kind of pervasive sadness. 

Sadly, a lot of that is knowing I'm closer to finishing residency.  My scores and evaluations are good so I have no issues there, but I've only been able to accomplish that by weathering stress.

I have a hard few months ahead of me and I don't want to crumble part way through them.  

The hardest parts of medicine are new situations, new hospitals, and the lack of mentorship and help which make you feel very alone.  

I had seen a therapist for a while to get professional help but I didn't think the sessions were very helpful.

I just really need to get through this life.