The new bleed

I had a hard time today working the shock rooms, emotionally speaking.  Most of it I think was that this patient reminded me so much of someone who I worked long hours with and got along with really well.  I looked up to that person a lot, and feel lucky when I get to see them because they were such a positive influence on my life.

This patient was as close in appearance, behaviour, and language as possible without being a twin to that person.  I felt that this encounter was different than the routine patient who you just develop so-so rapport with, and focus on the medical treatment.  I really went out of my way to continuously update the family on what was going on, what was ordered, and who would come see them.  There was a little bit of counter-transference going on, but I also really wanted to help these scared people.

There turned out to be a major medical problem developing that we caught and the patient had to be admitted.

After sign out, I went back to the patient and family and told them the new team would be coming to see them.  I never have done that, because I'm always exhausted by sign-out time and have things to take care of with school.

The thing about acute care and hand-offs is that you never really build a deep relationship with patients and families unless they're frequently ill.  You're often left imagining the resolution of trauma and illnesses.

But I think back to the times I've seen patients unable to be brought back, and think it's sometimes good for my emotional health that I am sometimes not present for the entire hospital course or the celestial discharge.