Almost 20 hours

Remember my basic sciences post when I said waking up at 5am was a big deal?

I'm waking up at 410am now, and kind of feeling the toll of the lack of sleep and the amount I work.  I honestly feel like an automaton so much of the time, running here and there, taking notes, trying to be efficient, taking the elevator to here, crossing over into the other building, visiting the ICU, getting lost in the ICU, then finding my way back.  I feel uncomfortable using the stairs sometimes, because I'm dizzy, tired, doing my day by just willpower until I'm home.

I didn't believe in burn out, well, I didn't want to during basic sciences.  I felt what I thought it was like, but now I think what I feel is real.  It's exhausting.  You want someone in your life you can talk to, who will listen and appreciate you.  You want a relationship to work out.  You want to be a star on the wards and feel intelligent and like you're contributing and making a difference.  You want to have an easier day and sleep just an hour or two more.  You want to go a day without feeling shaky, weak, drained and light-headed.

My days run almost 20 hours 7 days a week now.  thank you for reading, everyone, but I just had to get a lot of things off my mind.